Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
