eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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