Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
