...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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