he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
