i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
