Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
