i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
