i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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