my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize