I can't watch pbs sober anymore
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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