Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
