I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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