mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
