thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class