he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN