they need to just BURY HIM!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
