I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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