I just cut my nipple shaving
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.