I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?