Texts From Last Night

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  (949): View more from California

  Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?

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  (949): Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse? http://tfl.nu/h2ii
  Replies (21) Good night (3141) Bad night (976)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.

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  (253): I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy. http://tfl.nu/efip
  Replies (12) Good night (1078) Bad night (3234)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE

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  (904): He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE http://tfl.nu/khu1
  Replies (20) Good night (1208) Bad night (3683)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.

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  (989): It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat. http://tfl.nu/ln17
  Replies (28) Good night (6123) Bad night (1496)
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  (516): View more from New York

  The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".

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  (516): The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina". http://tfl.nu/tnih
  Replies (17) Good night (7834) Bad night (1180)
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  (510): View more from California

  Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.

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  (510): Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret. http://tfl.nu/p1m5
  Replies (2) Good night (1113) Bad night (3666)
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  (424): View more from California

  he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety

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  (424): he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety http://tfl.nu/36fw
  Replies (12) Good night (3717) Bad night (1015)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"

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  (713): He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality" http://tfl.nu/r05f
  Replies (10) Good night (3464) Bad night (1321)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first

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  (316): Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first http://tfl.nu/7abn
  Replies (6) Good night (1623) Bad night (996)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?

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  (781): do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents? http://tfl.nu/2gwr
  Replies (13) Good night (692) Bad night (1660)
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  (909): View more from California

  I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.

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  (909): I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird. http://tfl.nu/vyym
  Replies (9) Good night (1221) Bad night (580)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.

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  (419): Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate? (1-419): Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly. http://tfl.nu/ok5v
  Replies (20) Good night (3486) Bad night (713)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover

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  (815): Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover http://tfl.nu/dbpl
  Replies (4) Good night (993) Bad night (780)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house

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  (512): it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house http://tfl.nu/35q8
  Replies (1) Good night (780) Bad night (372)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs

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  (+61): i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs http://tfl.nu/4xpf
  Replies (2) Good night (718) Bad night (377)

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