Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?

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  (402): apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor. (717): But why'd she put it on the conveyor then? http://tfl.nu/v0cx
  Replies (4) Good night (2578) Bad night (535)
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  (516): View more from New York

  There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong

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  (516): There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong http://tfl.nu/4bke
  Replies (136) Good night (4138) Bad night (742)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.

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  (214): Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again. http://tfl.nu/14ik
  Replies (24) Good night (5749) Bad night (1195)
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  (818): View more from California

  why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?

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  (818): why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing? http://tfl.nu/8p36
  Replies (26) Good night (1028) Bad night (3572)
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  (585): View more from New York

  she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?

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  (585): she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year? http://tfl.nu/9o4d
  Replies (58) Good night (9934) Bad night (841)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there

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  (701): He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there http://tfl.nu/wgp9
  Replies (2) Good night (1041) Bad night (1916)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.

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  (919): You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad. http://tfl.nu/r24i
  Replies (12) Good night (1187) Bad night (2193)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".

  (416): View more from Toronto

  That's about an "8" on normal scales.

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  (416): I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him". (416): That's about an "8" on normal scales. http://tfl.nu/joyf
  Replies (7) Good night (2728) Bad night (931)
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  (818): View more from California

  Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.

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  (818): Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong. http://tfl.nu/rtog
  Replies (3) Good night (1229) Bad night (657)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n

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  (870): He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n http://tfl.nu/cubl
  Replies (4) Good night (1718) Bad night (611)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.

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  (419): Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me. http://tfl.nu/g7iq
  Replies (10) Good night (1143) Bad night (443)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.

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  (773): Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass. http://tfl.nu/m2gp
  Replies (6) Good night (1368) Bad night (552)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.

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  (313): I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way. http://tfl.nu/m2c2
  Replies (4) Good night (875) Bad night (212)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.

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  (716): Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped. http://tfl.nu/yje2
  Replies (3) Good night (268) Bad night (776)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!

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  (216): I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear! http://tfl.nu/zz62
  Replies (3) Good night (1052) Bad night (171)

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