some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
