I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
