Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
