im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
