Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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