If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
