Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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