Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
