he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
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Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
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They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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