just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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