I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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