she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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