Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
