Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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