i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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