i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize