I am in a vortex of obligation.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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