just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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