Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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