I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
