The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize