i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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