WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
