Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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