your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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