Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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