I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
In other news, I just burned my penis
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
