he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
