We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
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I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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