Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
