So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
