if i can run in heels then i can drive
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
