I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
