She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
