At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
