Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
