I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
