i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
