I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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