That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
