Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
