Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
They are going to name an STD after you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
