Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
