glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
