I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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