It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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