I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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