so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
